1st post in 2011

what the heck i had been doing for the past few months.. or likely 8 months..
i seems to forgot the presence of my blog..
haiyo.. nvmd la.. it's not that someone will miss me..
y am i coming here again then??

i'm just had a repeated feeling..
a disgust feeling..
if i had not remembered wrongly..
3rd time in my life..
1st.. primary school days..
2nd.. secondary form5..
now.. in college..

maybe.. it's a truth that my presence is such an antipathy..
I think my presence will only bring more trouble with resentment..

i was just being myself.. the overly-crazy girl..
those who know me..
know i am a person who speaks loud n sharp..
a person who tends to laugh easily..
it is being such a "positive" person is wrong??

ok.. i admit that I have been in the smear of my ownself..
so what?? That is because the emptiness of my heart..

In fact.. many of the optimist.. You never know if they really happy..
we never know perhaps these are out of disguise??
Their worries, problems with the secret do not know who to tell..
dont u think it is such a funny fact??
but.. perhaps i was one of them..

a lot of people said bad things about me..
behind my back.. or even in front of me..
but ever i care??
no..
the 3rd time already..
my confidence.. my ego.. my self-esteem..
just because of an elderly(teacher)..
it all collapsed..

i tried hard to hold back my sadness..
but could not stop my eyes from going red..
he even said:"y u cry??"
i just shake my head with a smile..
n rushed to the toilet..

i cried n cried..
tried hard to calm myself..
i even bite myself to stop myself from crying..
but the tears just flow out unstoppable..

had my lunch in tears alone..

ben seems to know i cried..

but luckily.. i manage to get through linna's lesson.. with laughter..

can i take up the challenge??
i hope i can..
but i had failed for 2 times..

cry my dear heart.. have a good night sleep..
n be a brand new me..

if i had a wish.. i hope i'm dumb..