random feeling

I had been thinking that i should come up here more frequently..
but.. laziness just stopped me everytime..
then why am i up here now?
i have no idea neither..
maybe some boredom.. but i was supposed to finish something today..
again.. laziness took control..
NOO!! i need to buck up..
try to.. haha..
it's almost end of october..
n without noticing it.. i am 18 already..
still cant get used to the fact that i'm grown up..
childishness just wont budge away.. it just stick to me..
maturity is a very far to reach thing at the moment..
blogging is still not part of me..
especially u need to recall those memories, those feelings..
i'm a forgetful person.. i have no patience..
tomorrow can be consider as a special day??
i'll be going to see Y2J at Plaza Tasek..
then at night.. a gathering with my long-lost-contact friends..
anticipating.. haha..
ok la.. i think enough for now at the moment.. haha..
Gd night..very sleepy liao..

walao walao walao..
so long long long long didnt update liao..
haiz.. blame on me.. too lazy..
too long already i also forgot what had happened these few months..
back on my mum's case..
errm.. it did not turn out to be better.. yet.. worsen..
now.. temporary no big problem..
but.. not for long..
haiz.. cry also no use.. i'll just have to be patience..

quite a lot happened these few months.. but my memory seems to be worsen.. can't rmb much..
oct 3rd.. my birthday..not what i had expected..
went out with 3 fren.. visited 7 places..(the zon>> danga city mall>> sutera mall>> plaza tasek>> city square>> plaza pelangi>> leisure mall).. watched a movie.."Blood Ties.." which turns out to a comedy for us.. hahaha.. bought comics again.. wakaka.. there was just 1 regret.. i didnt eat cake.. haiz..
10th.. a special day.. 10.10.10.. finally ah pa brought me to pontian.. kukup.. not much to see.. a bit dissapoint loh..
n a tragic accident happened today at melaka highway.. bless on them..
15th.. my laptop went for services.. rosak liao..
16th.. went to watch "Child's eye" with ah pa at cs.. 2D la.. wa lao.. at night even more ppl loh.. haha..
17th.. went to watch another movie "reign of assasins" with ah pa at tebrau after having my 6th test.. it was a nice n touching movie.. there was this 对白：我愿化身石桥，受五百年风吹，日晒，雨打。。then i forgot the rest.. haha..
monday18thtuesday19th very boring ah without my laptop.. so i reread my comics then slept very early..
today20th.. got back my laptop.. n finally i need to finished my homework yet.. i came up here.. haha..
i'll try to come here everyday to update.. or else my memory juz wont work.. haha..
it's late.. gd nite..

mum4

all about mum..
not bad news this time..
good news..
mum said on Tuesday night that she want to help me out in the shop..
(that what she said)
of course this is good..
but she come back on condition..
RM20 per day..
On Wednesday, she really did come back n helped out..
Coincidentally, kakak which helped ,y dad in the kitchen didn't come..
heard that she overslept.. useless fellow.. haha..
business that day was not bad..
but she didn't go home with us..
we sent her back to where she lived now..
Today, she initially wanted to tumpang frenz's car..
but somehow didn't..
n my dad got to turn a big roundabout to pick her..
she worked until 9am only as she need to go to hospital..
haiz.. i got to work again..
tired.. haha..
not sure mum will come back or not..
today not much customers..
in addition.. heavy rain..
i even got myself wet.. haha..
mum did come back.. it was around 3.30pm i guess..
still hoping she can return..
but seeing her happy with life now..
it's enough..
mum comes

mum3

to tell the truth.. i have now got used to the absence of my mum..
getting to forget her.. felt free..
haha.. being unfillial again.. haha..
but the truth was because mum is always the one who look for me...
so i was kind of "ok.. since she'll find me, i no need to call her loh"
What kind of daughter am i?
dunno..
ok.. so these few days.. mum n i r in contact..
i even know where she lived now..
she was actually at our former staying place..
but 4 more houses down the road..
and what is to be worth mentioning was that today b'coz of some reason..
my dad, my mum and me sat together to eat breakfast..
though mum was not eating..
haha..
but after that we went on our way..
mum went to church..
n dad sent me to study..
finished at 2pm..
Bought some vege n brought it to mum..
then me n dad went home..
haiz..
seems that mum will not be coming back at the moment..
but ok la..
let her have a rest after all those months working unrest-ably..

mum2

The sky was dark.. Rain came down..
Business was quite ok.. not much to complain..
but things went wrong when we went home..
lights were on in the house..
which meant mum is back..
but as we went in..
piles of things were packed up n mum was sitting there..
it was obvious that mum wanted to leave..
this ain't joking matter..
does things really had to go until this situation??
i'm not a straightforward person..
i dun noe how to express words or feelings..
especially when it comes to kinship..
if i don't remember wrongly..
i have not been saying "i love you" to my parents..
have not been hugging them..
most probably i felt shy..
but this wasn't suppose to be, right?
we as children should love our parents who brought us here..
i really want to ask mum to stay.. but stubborn person she is now persist to go..
i cried.. i hide aside to weep..
why is this happening??
i kept asking mum why she want to go..
when she is coming back..
why she want to take all the things..
where she is going..
the answers she gave seems to avoid the truth..
she ignored my dad..
she was mad at my dad..
everything he asked or said.. she made no response..
when an car came to fetch mum..
i initially didn't want to help mum to take the things out.. hoping her to stay..
but still i barefooted taking the things out and into the car..
sobbing and crying.. my tears just came down uncontrollably..
broken speech came out..
telling her to come back ASAP.. take care.. n bye bye..
my feelings were just so complicated that i dont know wat to say..
i'm just like a kid crying over a spilled milk..
what done is done..
being unfillial brings retribution..
n mine was a broken marriage between parents n mum is leaving home..
i'm tired now..
I juz pray that mum will be safe n could relax n cool down for the moment..
really hoping she will come back ASAP..
Please God.. bless n protect my mum.. thank you..

PS:i juz read an article n it touched me a lot.. especially after this matter..
http://cookie-4-u.blogspot.com/2010/05/blog-post.html

mum

it' been long.. how long? dunno.. HAHA..
n y i'm up here? easy.. coz i got internet.. finally..
just signed up yesterday..
a lot of things happened..
n i gues the most important and serious is mum..
mum's condition is getting serious..
too much pressure n affecting her to be very suspective..
n over a period of time.. she just went crazy..
n when mum told me (sms) she's in mental hospital..
some kind of depressed came up to me..
my parents' relationship is getting worst too..
i felt.. helpless..
i felt tired..
what will happened to mum n dad?
most worry bout mum's health..
she is getting weaker..
dunno how much longer she'll stay with us..
but as mum is very 'degil' person..
she dun't even to recognize my sis..
haiz.. i am a unfilial child.. not doing anything for them..

another half

lately, i felt empty.. no.. lonely..
never realise this kind of feeling b4..
mayb i'm juz still not mature enough to know it..
something.. something seems missing from my heart..
someone told me it is my another half..
oo.. so it means i need love liao la.. haha..
wait.. am i too selfish 2 think of this now??
i mean my mum is seriously ill n my dad's business is getting worst..
haiz.. dunno la..
but i suppose i'm still not suitable..
i can't understand why kids nowadays kept having "love" hanging on their mouth..
all b'coz i have no experience gua??
no.. i guess i can't..
i'm still immature..
when i think i'm still a kid.. i'm a kid..
that's why i'm still so childish..
i'm unlike nuraini or whitney.. they r so independent..
not me.. impossible to b..
i need someone to lean on..i can't do it all by myself..
i have no confidence at all..
haiz..
conclusion.. i just felt a sudden pain when i saw shuai ge.. so which meanuz a normal girl.. hahaha..
oh n my tooth is not pain liao.. but still swollen.. haiz..

tooth ache 3

3rd day..
I want to thank God b'coz i suffered juz in the morning..
but still pain bah..
n i could feel the swollen part was better..
hope the best for tomorrow.. no more pain.. or else i'm going to go hungry for days.. haha..
So.. gd nite n sweet dreams to me.. haha..

Tooth ache 2

Damned it..
My stupid tooth kept bugging me..
i can't eat..
n i can't work..
as it caused serious headache..
finally dad sent me to hospital..
but shit the traffic..
i kept crying..
and i waited 4 about 30min..
n the result was..
"it is swollen.. so u got to eat antibiotic n come back next week to pull off.."
NOOOOO!!! how am i going to survive 4 1 week???
I might just go die..
i hate this painful feeling..
it's killing me..
Doom doom doom...

a reply to aini

Hey ya sis.. a long 'chit-chat' note u wrote.. haha..
Anyway, firstly.. they won't get well soon..
most probally needs miracle.. as they are getting old liao..
mum's condition more serious..
work hard?? lazy la.. haha..
n it is very tired.
no idea how they manage it these few years..

Comics.. i'm already too addicted to it..
i craved for more though no $$ already.. haha..

i still haven't got the slightest clue about my future..
no idea what i want to be or to study.. i don't know what i'm really interested in..
so.. no need to revise.. hahaha.. but yeah i'll try..
yeah.. STPM.. but i'm not going for form 6..
though initially yes..
dad told me to take business & management in tamasek..
though i'm not really interested..
but i guess need to start study harder la..
or else dad's $$ fly away..
n it start next month..
dunno whether i can hold on for how long.. haha..

n u leh??
continue form 6??
though u can't go overseas is a bit "ke xi" la..
but look on the bright side..
u stil had time to spend with ur family n old frenz..
cherish every moment.. coz u'll never know wat happened next..
dun b as stupid lyk me.. haha..
K la.. we go for it together..
remember.. i'll always be there for u when u need..(though it seems impossible)
or else.. i lend u my ears also not bad la.. haha..
Miss u n SJ a lot a lot..

PS: i might call u this weekend ah.. haha..

tooth ache

a miserable day.. very miserable..
like the title had said.. a painful day..
though it started during noon when i can't eat..
then it got worst..
that dreadful feeling..
that pain that seemed to rip my life..
AHHHH!!!
it was last year oct i think also lyk dat..
i cried at school.. went home continue crying..
then went to tuition kept crying..
that awful feeling.. n now it's back.. haunting for me..
i cried again.. but no help at all..
dad isn't free to bring me to dentist..
how am i going to survive?? ah!!!
stupid tooth!! y u just wont let go of me??
head ache.. don't want to say liao..
warning to u tooth.. i'm going to pull u off TOMORROW!! Go DIE!!
hahahaha.. Awww.. pain..

??

today mum still didnt go to work..
still unwell..
so.. i need to work again.. why can't i sleep??
today not many people..
so a lot of leftover..
mum was really weak n she even said she want to leave..
down..
went home 5pm..
had a bath then took mum to see "tabib cina"..
dad also had a look..
tired but i cant let the chance to use internet go away..

oh n today is my sista's favourite idols' burpday..
so i hereby also wish HEBE "happy birthday!!"
She must be very happy?? (i think..)
n also another fren's birthday..
or u might say.. a "special" 1.. haha..

anyway.. it's time to sleep.. nite..

half bad half gd

not a very "going well" day..
mum was sick so she didn't went to shop..
i got to do it all by myself..
n dad also in pain.. haizz.
gd thing was the business today was quite gd.. quite a lot of people..
but tired loh.. haha..
arrived home around 5.30pm..
mum suffered a lot again..
asthma n vomiting..
then dad pain..
God please help my mum n dad.. T___T

comics

what do u think about comic??
boring? useless? waste of time n money??
yeah.. i guess all is correct..
but.. i juz can't live without it now..
without comic.. my life seems colourless..(though comic is colourless.. haha..)
n there comes my chance to own them..
big sale on comic..
bought 60 books 4 RM50 last 2 weeks..
n bought 32 more 4 RM1 each while ahmin bought 22books..
n 13more at leisure mall 4 RM4.05each..
n it seems i'm too addicted.. i went crazy when i had no more $$ to buy..
Arrghh!!!
Never mind.. wait 4 me comic.. I'll come back again.. Next month.. ahaha..

乱

记忆已衰退的我（自说）。。但不是完全不记得的。。
可是我也不懂要说什么啦。。哈哈。。
那简单说就好了啦。。

11号。。SPM成绩放榜了。。
10号晚上就会阿嫲家。。
隔天睡到9点就拿了书包走路去学校。。
心想要重温那感觉。。结果半路遇到婉芯。。
都还没搞懂人家肯不肯载我。。我就已厚脸皮的上车了。。
真丢脸啊！！哈哈。。祖祥也在。。他们要去找人。过后还去兜圈圈。。
原因是婉芯紧张啦。。哈哈。。
她先载我去学校但他们却没下车。。
我一人进去走了一圈。。看似没大改变的环境我却觉得好陌生。。
旧朋友一个一个的来。。表面很开心而去疯下。。
但。。心里比谁都还明白。。我跟他们不是一个世界的人。。
好不甘心。。3年了啊。。
这就算了吧。。还是成绩比较重要吧。。
等到了11点。。
各班老师都准备要派成绩了。。
婉芯有个不错的成绩。。5A4B1C。。
但并不是她所期待的。。所以有点失望。。
婉因呢。。3科A ..历史拿A的她已蛮满足了。。
我啊。。真是个败家女啊！！
虽然当时我没太多的感觉。。但刚看了JonKeat的成绩。。
我连惭愧的资格都没有！！！
他有努力。。我却把考试当不存在。。
他拿13科A是应该的。。
可是。。没想到。。马来文都拿A+。。
我比他早来吗俩西亚的咧！！我都才拿B咧！！
害。。2科A，6科B，3科C，没有D或以下。。
应该可以庆幸吧？？因为。。我的高数竟可以拿回C 来。。
我高数一直以来都不及格，还以为这次死定了咧。。
但最令我伤心的是我所额外报考的EST竟然没有A！而且B+都没有咧！
我觉得好对不起Miss Ong。。T___T
连我最有信心可以拿A的Moral也只拿B+而已。。气死我了啦。。难得一张我写到满满的咧。。T___T
还有一科让我惊讶。。我的历史竟然也可以拿B+咧！！真是意外。。毕竟记忆不是很好的我可以拿C已经很好了。。而且还B+咧。。
至于化学，连我老师都target我拿C罢了，我拿B哦。。算是我没辜负老师这3年对我一直以来的好意吧。。物理也是几乎每次不及格的也拿B回来。。可是生物。。我有点信心的啊。。为么是C+ 而已啊？？
身为华人的我。。真没脸说。。我竟然才拿C？？？真丢脸！！
其他的。。没什么好提。。英文没A+是预料的。。数学A+ 是预料的。。毕竟太容易了啦。。就算我不是JonKeat还是JieYing。。哈哈。。
拿了这么“光彩”的成绩。。我孤单的回家了。。虽然是伟翰载我回啦。。说我并不在乎成绩是对的。。回到家又开始看漫画了。。真没用！！
其他。。我忘了。。因为几乎有过这无聊的生活。。

14号。。我只记得。。我好开心好开心。。
因为。。我竟然可以以50块就能买到60本漫画！！！
真的是爽到可以升天了！！！去哪里找这么好康的东西啊？？
真的是拾到宝啊！！我不买啊就是大笨蛋！
只可惜那些书都是07年之前所刊的书。。而且都很散。。只有“天眼”有全套。。
可是已经很不错了啦。。丽敏还差点被我气死咧。。哈哈哈。。

21号。。去皇后的超级总院考试。。
是要进Tamasek学院的entry test。。
好多好多人。。没算错的话有120的学生。。
考试一小时。。我只懂。。若我没有拿到24/30的话。。我不姓郑了！
It’s piece of cake MAN!!! Sap Sap water啦。。哈哈。。
说真的。。我很不想做下去了。。
1， 爸妈每天都吵架
2， 店头生意不好啦
3， 我一点都没兴趣
害。。不懂还能撑到几时。。累了。。爸妈也都因此憔悴了。心有点酸。。

old

getting older..
u know wat i mean..
time really flew fast..
memories getting very blurred..
it had been 3 months i didnt write anything..
n u wnat me to say?
i can't..
Coz.. i just dont remember anymore..
wat i know is bits of this n that..
i know i'll be having an entry test on 21st..
hope i can past..
but on the other hand..
i dont really want to enter Tamasek..
not really wat i'm interest in..
Which is business n management..
yesterday, good news..
i was given a chance to try HOSPITALITY & TOURISM course..
It was a 5 day course in KL..
But too bad dad wont let me go..
Too dangerous to go alone..
So i guess i got to give up..
Wat's more?
Yesterday was Yu Qian & Chhe Long's birthday..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY my frenz..
n SHE was performing in KL..
Initially i want to go..
But again, dad said dangerous n forbide me to go..
Haiz..
There goes my chance to meet Aini..
I really hope to see her..
It's been 3 years.. Missed her vry vry much..
Oh.. n.. i suddenly felt fren hu i know r not fren anymore..
I realize it n yaeh.. disappointed..
But u can't force them to be ur fren if they dont want bah..
N that's all..
I dont want to see them anymore.. DONE!!
hahaha..