1st post in 2011

what the heck i had been doing for the past few months.. or likely 8 months..
i seems to forgot the presence of my blog..
haiyo.. nvmd la.. it's not that someone will miss me..
y am i coming here again then??

i'm just had a repeated feeling..
a disgust feeling..
if i had not remembered wrongly..
3rd time in my life..
1st.. primary school days..
2nd.. secondary form5..
now.. in college..

maybe.. it's a truth that my presence is such an antipathy..
I think my presence will only bring more trouble with resentment..

i was just being myself.. the overly-crazy girl..
those who know me..
know i am a person who speaks loud n sharp..
a person who tends to laugh easily..
it is being such a "positive" person is wrong??

ok.. i admit that I have been in the smear of my ownself..
so what?? That is because the emptiness of my heart..

In fact.. many of the optimist.. You never know if they really happy..
we never know perhaps these are out of disguise??
Their worries, problems with the secret do not know who to tell..
dont u think it is such a funny fact??
but.. perhaps i was one of them..

a lot of people said bad things about me..
behind my back.. or even in front of me..
but ever i care??
no..
the 3rd time already..
my confidence.. my ego.. my self-esteem..
just because of an elderly(teacher)..
it all collapsed..

i tried hard to hold back my sadness..
but could not stop my eyes from going red..
he even said:"y u cry??"
i just shake my head with a smile..
n rushed to the toilet..

i cried n cried..
tried hard to calm myself..
i even bite myself to stop myself from crying..
but the tears just flow out unstoppable..

had my lunch in tears alone..

ben seems to know i cried..

but luckily.. i manage to get through linna's lesson.. with laughter..

can i take up the challenge??
i hope i can..
but i had failed for 2 times..

cry my dear heart.. have a good night sleep..
n be a brand new me..

if i had a wish.. i hope i'm dumb..

random feeling

I had been thinking that i should come up here more frequently..
but.. laziness just stopped me everytime..
then why am i up here now?
i have no idea neither..
maybe some boredom.. but i was supposed to finish something today..
again.. laziness took control..
NOO!! i need to buck up..
try to.. haha..
it's almost end of october..
n without noticing it.. i am 18 already..
still cant get used to the fact that i'm grown up..
childishness just wont budge away.. it just stick to me..
maturity is a very far to reach thing at the moment..
blogging is still not part of me..
especially u need to recall those memories, those feelings..
i'm a forgetful person.. i have no patience..
tomorrow can be consider as a special day??
i'll be going to see Y2J at Plaza Tasek..
then at night.. a gathering with my long-lost-contact friends..
anticipating.. haha..
ok la.. i think enough for now at the moment.. haha..
Gd night..very sleepy liao..

walao walao walao..
so long long long long didnt update liao..
haiz.. blame on me.. too lazy..
too long already i also forgot what had happened these few months..
back on my mum's case..
errm.. it did not turn out to be better.. yet.. worsen..
now.. temporary no big problem..
but.. not for long..
haiz.. cry also no use.. i'll just have to be patience..

quite a lot happened these few months.. but my memory seems to be worsen.. can't rmb much..
oct 3rd.. my birthday..not what i had expected..
went out with 3 fren.. visited 7 places..(the zon>> danga city mall>> sutera mall>> plaza tasek>> city square>> plaza pelangi>> leisure mall).. watched a movie.."Blood Ties.." which turns out to a comedy for us.. hahaha.. bought comics again.. wakaka.. there was just 1 regret.. i didnt eat cake.. haiz..
10th.. a special day.. 10.10.10.. finally ah pa brought me to pontian.. kukup.. not much to see.. a bit dissapoint loh..
n a tragic accident happened today at melaka highway.. bless on them..
15th.. my laptop went for services.. rosak liao..
16th.. went to watch "Child's eye" with ah pa at cs.. 2D la.. wa lao.. at night even more ppl loh.. haha..
17th.. went to watch another movie "reign of assasins" with ah pa at tebrau after having my 6th test.. it was a nice n touching movie.. there was this 对白：我愿化身石桥，受五百年风吹，日晒，雨打。。then i forgot the rest.. haha..
monday18thtuesday19th very boring ah without my laptop.. so i reread my comics then slept very early..
today20th.. got back my laptop.. n finally i need to finished my homework yet.. i came up here.. haha..
i'll try to come here everyday to update.. or else my memory juz wont work.. haha..
it's late.. gd nite..

mum4

all about mum..
not bad news this time..
good news..
mum said on Tuesday night that she want to help me out in the shop..
(that what she said)
of course this is good..
but she come back on condition..
RM20 per day..
On Wednesday, she really did come back n helped out..
Coincidentally, kakak which helped ,y dad in the kitchen didn't come..
heard that she overslept.. useless fellow.. haha..
business that day was not bad..
but she didn't go home with us..
we sent her back to where she lived now..
Today, she initially wanted to tumpang frenz's car..
but somehow didn't..
n my dad got to turn a big roundabout to pick her..
she worked until 9am only as she need to go to hospital..
haiz.. i got to work again..
tired.. haha..
not sure mum will come back or not..
today not much customers..
in addition.. heavy rain..
i even got myself wet.. haha..
mum did come back.. it was around 3.30pm i guess..
still hoping she can return..
but seeing her happy with life now..
it's enough..
mum comes

mum3

to tell the truth.. i have now got used to the absence of my mum..
getting to forget her.. felt free..
haha.. being unfillial again.. haha..
but the truth was because mum is always the one who look for me...
so i was kind of "ok.. since she'll find me, i no need to call her loh"
What kind of daughter am i?
dunno..
ok.. so these few days.. mum n i r in contact..
i even know where she lived now..
she was actually at our former staying place..
but 4 more houses down the road..
and what is to be worth mentioning was that today b'coz of some reason..
my dad, my mum and me sat together to eat breakfast..
though mum was not eating..
haha..
but after that we went on our way..
mum went to church..
n dad sent me to study..
finished at 2pm..
Bought some vege n brought it to mum..
then me n dad went home..
haiz..
seems that mum will not be coming back at the moment..
but ok la..
let her have a rest after all those months working unrest-ably..

mum2

The sky was dark.. Rain came down..
Business was quite ok.. not much to complain..
but things went wrong when we went home..
lights were on in the house..
which meant mum is back..
but as we went in..
piles of things were packed up n mum was sitting there..
it was obvious that mum wanted to leave..
this ain't joking matter..
does things really had to go until this situation??
i'm not a straightforward person..
i dun noe how to express words or feelings..
especially when it comes to kinship..
if i don't remember wrongly..
i have not been saying "i love you" to my parents..
have not been hugging them..
most probably i felt shy..
but this wasn't suppose to be, right?
we as children should love our parents who brought us here..
i really want to ask mum to stay.. but stubborn person she is now persist to go..
i cried.. i hide aside to weep..
why is this happening??
i kept asking mum why she want to go..
when she is coming back..
why she want to take all the things..
where she is going..
the answers she gave seems to avoid the truth..
she ignored my dad..
she was mad at my dad..
everything he asked or said.. she made no response..
when an car came to fetch mum..
i initially didn't want to help mum to take the things out.. hoping her to stay..
but still i barefooted taking the things out and into the car..
sobbing and crying.. my tears just came down uncontrollably..
broken speech came out..
telling her to come back ASAP.. take care.. n bye bye..
my feelings were just so complicated that i dont know wat to say..
i'm just like a kid crying over a spilled milk..
what done is done..
being unfillial brings retribution..
n mine was a broken marriage between parents n mum is leaving home..
i'm tired now..
I juz pray that mum will be safe n could relax n cool down for the moment..
really hoping she will come back ASAP..
Please God.. bless n protect my mum.. thank you..

PS:i juz read an article n it touched me a lot.. especially after this matter..
http://cookie-4-u.blogspot.com/2010/05/blog-post.html

mum

it' been long.. how long? dunno.. HAHA..
n y i'm up here? easy.. coz i got internet.. finally..
just signed up yesterday..
a lot of things happened..
n i gues the most important and serious is mum..
mum's condition is getting serious..
too much pressure n affecting her to be very suspective..
n over a period of time.. she just went crazy..
n when mum told me (sms) she's in mental hospital..
some kind of depressed came up to me..
my parents' relationship is getting worst too..
i felt.. helpless..
i felt tired..
what will happened to mum n dad?
most worry bout mum's health..
she is getting weaker..
dunno how much longer she'll stay with us..
but as mum is very 'degil' person..
she dun't even to recognize my sis..
haiz.. i am a unfilial child.. not doing anything for them..

another half

lately, i felt empty.. no.. lonely..
never realise this kind of feeling b4..
mayb i'm juz still not mature enough to know it..
something.. something seems missing from my heart..
someone told me it is my another half..
oo.. so it means i need love liao la.. haha..
wait.. am i too selfish 2 think of this now??
i mean my mum is seriously ill n my dad's business is getting worst..
haiz.. dunno la..
but i suppose i'm still not suitable..
i can't understand why kids nowadays kept having "love" hanging on their mouth..
all b'coz i have no experience gua??
no.. i guess i can't..
i'm still immature..
when i think i'm still a kid.. i'm a kid..
that's why i'm still so childish..
i'm unlike nuraini or whitney.. they r so independent..
not me.. impossible to b..
i need someone to lean on..i can't do it all by myself..
i have no confidence at all..
haiz..
conclusion.. i just felt a sudden pain when i saw shuai ge.. so which meanuz a normal girl.. hahaha..
oh n my tooth is not pain liao.. but still swollen.. haiz..